Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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