4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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