like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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