When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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