someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
