Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
