you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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