Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
