1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
