i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
