Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
