Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
