I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
