Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So apparently I’m into choking now
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