I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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