Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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