I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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