I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
