I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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