you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
