Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
