She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
