Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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