"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
