I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
