So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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