NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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