hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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