where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
