Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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