I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
