the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
