I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
