is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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