According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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