sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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