Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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