Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
