One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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