she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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