dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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