fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
