question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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