That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
