he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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