Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
