Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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