bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
