Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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