What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
