I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
