you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
