New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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