I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
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Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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