He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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