fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How does one acquire holy water?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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