Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
