she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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