Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
