just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
