the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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