All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
