I can't breathe out the right side of my face
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
