It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
