apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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