you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
