I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize