I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
