It's Friday. Sex?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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